Tai Chi Zero....just weirdly awfulsome

Okay back to gaming stuff later.

Today,  Tai Chi Zero (0)

I picked this up as a lark at one of the fine local used DVD/Music/game places around town.  Despite having the internet, I still like to support the local guys on occasion and totally promote that habit for everyone out there.    I spotted a most wicked DVD cover with only a few English words on it, but it looked like Kung Fu, it looked straight from Hong Kong, it was the only one on the self.  So I had no choice, I had to buy it.  

Here's the trailer that makes the most sense of what the movie is about...

Here's the box cover that lured me in.

Awesome right!  Damn, I'd killed see this on the Imax 3D, be like Sharknado on a budget.

I love alternative historical fictions, and this one takes place in around 1800 or so, I think.    The primary issue with the copy I got (bootleg maybe?)  is that the subs are so terrible, that it makes google translate look like the perfect option for getting a doctorate degree in studying ancient original source text.
 
Put the movie on, right at the beginning, and here's what  I get:

Our scene: classic battle between two warring kingdoms is going down on a very pretty green screen, we know who is most likely going to be our heroes from how the shot is being established.   

 General to troops:  "old Zu Tianwei, Paul my magic.   Brethren and discomfited enemy soldiers.   Won the capital, a large number of flour can enjoy the endless.   Kill!"

WHAT JUST HAPPENED!!!     please tell me there's a better sub of this somewhere....or maybe not.
The sub dialog is a mess beyond all reason.   I'm sure a literal translation was done by someone unable to give it context, grammar or anything else.  Which makes me kind of sad, since they clearly spent some coin on the movie, a bit more for better subbing would have been nice.  But, I kind of love the insane wacky translations and being able to follow the story through just its shots and scenes....which honestly is what every movie should have.

So without doing the whole movie scene by scene, or some massive plot synopsis (that's what https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tai_Chi_0 is for), I'll give a quick overview of the parts I love about this corny movie.  

So a young man, with demonic pimple energy (the hows and whys are conveyed through a silent movie backstory with only Chinese text and no subs! awesome, love it) finds himself in the army  and his super power being exploited.  When you hit the pimple, he hulks out and even with his apparent substandard martial arts, he kicks lots of ass matrix style for a few moments before zonking out.

However, the more he uses it, the closer the death he becomes (because it becomes closer to being a big blackhead that might pop?  who knows!)  Thus a wise doctor tells him he must go find better training, a special type of boxing (Kung Fu) that will help him center his energies and a master who may save his life by controling his pimple power.    WAIT...is this the basic plot for Into the Badlands...nah its kind of the plot for 1000+ Kung Fu movies.

Angelababy...actress, model, business woman

Our Hero ends up in the this secretive village (after the half animated/half live action, stop and start credit sequence finally finishes at the 15 minute mark!  YES, Thank you) where no one will give him the time of day when he asks to see the master.  For you see (as we'll learn later) you don't teach the secret old ways to outsider.

 He meets up with a very gorgeous young woman, played by Angelababy (oh mononyms, you know no cultural boundaries)  who turns out to be a doctor...and a master boxer trained in the old traditions...and in reality our real hero.    So lets forget about our loser protagonist and get to the real plot.  

and will happily kick your ass
with a smile.

The East Indian Trading Co.  really wants to put a railroad through China, and in particular put a stop in our secret village (which at one point gets an Chinese language overlay of all the buildings, as if looking for quest giver point in a MMORPG).

The leading voice for this industrious change  is a top hot wearing man who is betrothed to our Kung Fu doctor.  He has returned to the village after being away, not only to bring western tech to a village that doesn't know what electricity is, but to prove to the elders and the locals (who clearly once bullied him mercilessly) that as an outsider he is worthy.    But after a failure of his electricity demo, he is clearly not worthy, and after loosing face he leaves the village and our girl behind (Idiot).  

Little Girl, Perfect Combo...lots of point racked up on the KO.
I think the movie tracks the points...or knock back distance

 So back to wacky hi-jinks as pimple head tries to find the master and some really, really random fighting game references breakout as he tries to sneak back into town (seriously, see the pic and trailer) after being told to get out and go home.   He by proxy is slowly picking up the secret boxing by getting his ass handed to him, and finally gets picked up by "long term employment uncle" (my next character name) who subtly helps him out.  Can you guess who the old pipe smoking philosopher turns out to be...  So Yadda, yadda, back to the real plot once again.  

So old top hat is back, and evil (who knew a British trained turncoat wanting imperial western expansion would turn out to be evil!  Faint!)  He now has vengeance in mind after loosing face.   And this time he isn't just bringing a train to town, oh no, he's bringing the train through town...with....this.....

So its about here I'm going to stop.   Seriously.  If you like "its so bad its good", you really need to sit down and watch it.  Because from here, stuff gets serious....weird.....er....ish...     But basically our  hero tries to stop That Thing, by getting in and literally throwing a wrench in it... And its actually our female lead who shows up (girl gets some props for not once needing rescuing and taking the initiative) and is the one that really figures out how to p'wn it dead.   And..... no, no I'll quit here for real this time.

Because in how this movie's subs would put it:  "farther you go, the less it comes, so no go now here and look it.  Bye and away."    

Value: $$$$$  (I got for like $7.00 used so yes!)
Enjoyment:   0__o  ---> ^___^  Even though this is was a 2012 movie, this will be this year's Mr. X for me.


OHHHH there's a sequel out there too, because huge cliff hanger.

So...5e

Again been a while.  Been busy trying to figure out the business options for my Novel and what I want to do about it.   Also been playing with a possible conversion for DRev out of 3.5 into....5th!     Yes, 5e is now SRD. Well call me surprised that in the world of locking everything behind a copyright door or hiding behind a paywall that this is mostly in the open.  Lessons learned from 4e I guess.  You can find it here:  http://www.5esrd.com/home
 

There are definitely things from 5e I really like, by far the best thing is the easy to understand proficiency system for virtually everything.    Your proficient with longswords according to your character sheet?  Cool what level are you, 5, cool,  proficiency gives +3, add your strength mod and your good to go.  Works for everyone and everything.

The other is Advantage and Disadvantage.   Roll two d20 and take the highest or take the lowest.  Done and done...okay it does have some issues at higher levels as power and situations granting Adv. or Dis.  start to become more common, but since they cancel each other out, all these cool effects will have the possibility having no effect at all.    My idea to help with this issue is use coins or tokens to track Adv. or Dis.  and whichever piles up more will apply, maxing out piles at 3 a piece.     So let's take melee attacks for an example.  You gain Adv. with melee attack, put a red token (or whatever you choose) somewhere that clearly represents your melee attack.    However, you take Dis. from some situation, putting a blue token in place, indicating now that you have neither Adv. or Dis.  You than activate another power that grants you further Adv. with one specific melee attack action on your turn, granting a tempory red token and once again gaining Adv. at least until your attack resolves and the token is once again lost.    This will however might be only an optional rule to ensure streamlining is kept in mind. 

Keeping in the mind of streamlining  a huge couple of questions come to mind.

The first my partner in crime has mused about in the past, Lumping or Spliting for stuff?

The concept in 5e that you have certain tools or tool kits that are required for certain actions.   Instead of writing down that you have a pan, tinder, lighter, some cooking oil, salt, pepper, a plate, fork and knife...you can simply say you have a cooking kit.    So can we just eliminate the giant equipment list....or does that destroy the flavor of our world and ruin player engrossment?    its one the greatest fights in RPGs in the last 20 year for sure.   For DRev 5e which way do we go?

Than there is the idea of general or specific weapons and armor.   5e SRD still goes mainly specific, such as picking up a short sword and leather armor...though if you pick up a shield...its just a shield.  So one of the ideas we we're playing with is general weapons, and in my mind even eliminating things like payload for ammo.  


Here's a new idea for DRev 5e if we go general. 

Name	TIER	Damage	Range	RoF	Reload
Light Pistol	1	1d8	20/60	Normal	6
Medium Pistol	2	2d4	30/90	Normal	5
Heavy Pistol	3	2d6	30/90	Normal	4
Energy Pistol	4	2d6	50/150	Auto	3

So until we decide on the cost thing, we may just stick with our TIER system for virtually everything, though we could use our own version of the 5e rarity version, that I’ll look at in the next blog. 

Range will use the 5e rule, nice streamlining.

Rate of Fire (ROF)  is simply going be labeled as normal, auto or how often it can be used.  Once/two rounds for example.   We’ll examine of really streamlining auto.    Autofire can Burst (-2 to attack, does one additional shot of damage, but cannot do critical damage) or Spray (hits 10 foot area, targets in area make Dex save contested by your attack roll to take half damage.  Can only be used once per round).    

The newest idea I’ve been playing with is a Reload number.  If your attack roll is less than this number the weapon becomes empty of shots, meaning you will have to reload it as a bonus action or reaction.  You will keep track of how many reloads you have rather than having x number of bullets.    So I might have 3 light pistol reloads.  If my attack roll is less than 5, I get one shot off and than will have to take a reaction or action to use one of my reloads for the pistol.       Not sure if this is good idea or not and I know other systems have tried this as a way to streamline weapon use and minimizing what players have to track.  This would even apply for bows and crossbows and the like.   You can also roleplay the reload rate as fussy weapon designs and the like. 

In the next blog, I think I’ll look at the most controversial idea, eliminating gold…...